Over time I have realised supporting others in an impartial way is a learnt skill…or is it a cost?
Is it the support itself that has to be considered…when, how much, to what level? Or is it self-trust in giving to others that one has to develop?
We all receive insights, ideas, concepts in our thoughts, discussions and sometimes dreams that instil enthusiasm to do something new and exciting. Moving my existence from a high-stress corporate environment to one that focuses on supporting others to find their true potential has been a reflective journey. Not only did I surrender an old negative program I developed in my childhood that kept me on the hamster wheel of working for ‘the man’, I also identified that offering support to others can come at a cost…because I allowed it.
Having a skill set that is a blend of common and unique talents developed from innate abilities and learnt skill, I tend to have people gravitate towards me seeking my support.
Recently, having quite a few major projects in the works, I witnessed my energy spiralling down to a point where I was in conflict with what I saw to be other people’s reactions to situations being projected onto me. I was beginning to feel I was being taken advantage of. I got to a point where I felt ‘I’ve had enough’ and began thinking I wanted out. As I generally have an easy-go-lucky, go with the flow work style, I realised something was truly bugging me about people’s actions. My monkey mind was jumping…building destructive energy to the point where I felt I wanted to blow my top.
In no time, I blew my top to release the pressure. Venting on my partner to the point of rattling on…blah blah blah…on I would go…vacillating between conflict energy and victim energy. Round and round my mind went for a day or so…destructive enough my mind was, that I was unproductive for a period of 24+ hours. I was trying to understand the reasoning behind such experiences. To no avail…until during a discussion with my partner, we identified that the actions of others that were causing me challenges were unique to each individual. I could see their actions were coping mechanisms for their own challenges, triggered by certain circumstances that created overwhelm for them and for me, as I was allowing their overwhelm to impact me. But why was I allowing it?
"I am grateful for this journey as it has supported the development of self-trust…to step out of self-blame and ultimately a better support for others from a more heart-felt perspective".
It took a little time, but I reflected on the situation. What did I recognise? It wasn’t my actions or the actions of others that were making my energy spiral down. It was an old core emotional program I had swimming in my subconscious that took on responsibility of others actions…to feel blame for people in overwhelm. A residual negative program that was triggered by other people’s actions being projected towards me. It’s my nature to accept people at face-value. I tend to believe that if I have a nice encounter with someone all future encounters will be like that forever more. I identified my subconscious program would platform people based on face-value experiences with an expectation that I would always receive the charming, comfortable interactions as I had experienced previously from people. An expectation that was working as a limiting belief for me and that limiting belief was being triggered by other people’s overwhelm.
We all have our limitations in certain circumstances. Behaviours that arise as coping mechanisms…behaviours triggered by negative subconscious programs…triggered by our limiting beliefs. My limiting belief was, when I was involved with another and witnessed their overwhelm I felt responsible for their energy and my interpretation of these experiences was, I was at fault…I was to blame for their overwhelm. My negative subconscious program allowed me to take it personally…a destructive energy within me that linked back to trauma and hurt I endured in my teenage years.
I began to reconcile my involvement with the projects. I meditated on the situation and became aware of my energy around it all. In fact, my energy was centred around the core emotional program. Time to shift it. Time to release it and return to an energy that resonated with my easy working style. Time for detached (emotional) involvement.
So how did I return to my energy….my guiding energy? I stopped and took stock. With the help of a few discussions with my partner and a couple of close friends, I was able to witness my limiting belief in action. I witnessed I had no responsibility to take on the feeling of blame for others actions. I also witnessed that the feeling of responsibility for others overwhelm was a perceived feeling of blame.
It was a humbling process. While I was reconciling my energy, I found even more compassion towards the situations and the people involved. This allowed me to remove the pedestals and begin to release the core emotional program. I worked with my own energy to the point of gaining a clear understanding of what energy was mine and what was not. I was able to step back and look at what I could bring to the table even though in the eyes of others, it may or may not benefit the project/s. I can only do my best to disperse my knowledge, experience and skill to support others…it is up to them as to how they use the support (detached involvement) I give.
The breakthrough came. I wasn’t in conflict with other people or their limitations…I was in conflict with my own limiting belief. It came to the surface to be dealt with and to be released.
Having self-identified where I fit with other people’s energy and limitations, I would definitely say that supporting others in an impartial way is in fact a learnt skill. The desired experience is not taking responsibility for other people’s actions and energy, but to be true to myself and be a support to others from a humble place…an understanding that we all have limitations, but we don't have to own the limitations of others. A sobering practice at no cost.
I am grateful for this journey as it has supported the development of self-trust…to step out of self-blame and ultimately be a better support for others from a heart-felt perspective.